Clinging to dear life

It has occurred to me that how I treat my children now is going to be the same as how they will treat me later when I’m old.  And this thought frightens me.  Because as of now, I rarely have time for them (Impossible you may say? I’m a stay-at-home mom after all.  Well let’s see…there is still laundry to be done, floor to be moped, meals to be cooked, and coffee with sitcom to be enjoyed… 24hours seem very short indeed!!).  But if I don’t make time for them now, how could I expect for them to make time for me when I’m old?

                There are so many cases where children as they grow up tend to put their ageing parents in an old folks home and forget about them.  No time to spend together.  No time to hear their stories.  No time to keep them company.  Because there is always something else to do: jobs to be done, money to be earned, chores to be finished, emails and/or blackberry messages to be replied, and television shows to be watched.  Because these are the things I’m doing now.  With so many gadgets and shows available, it is possible to be physically around the people we love, but not emotionally.  I hear my children talk, but I cannot hear what they are saying because either my focus is on the television, on the blackberry messenger, or at the task at hand.  I once heard a saying that goes like this, “Don’t worry that your children don’t listen to what you say; worry that they will follow what you do.”  If I keep on being ‘away’ from my children because of the chores and the socializing that I claim I need, I will end up in an old folks home.  

Both of my children are very independent, more mature than their age.  But emotionally?  My son has always been easy, he occupies himself and knows that when mommy is doing something better leave her alone.  My daughter, on the other hand, is the complete opposite.  Her emotional stability has gotten to the point of chronic-dependency.  She would pop her head into the bathroom, asking me why do I take so long to shower.

                What do I do?

                I have tried everything.  From telling her nicely that she needs to play with her ponies on her own, to screaming at her that she should not bother mommy.  But she would not cry.  Instead she would wait patiently then asked: “Are you done? Can you play with me now mommy?”  Lesson learned: persistence pay off.   

                In the back of my head, I blame myself for my daughter’s emotional dependency.  The reason why she is not emotionally independent like her brother can only be attributed to one thing: unlike her brother, she has had a nanny taking care of her for the first two years of her life.  I spent very little time with her when she was a baby.  And that is something that would haunt me for the rest of my life.  If I have taken care of her, none of this would happen.  She would turn out to be a happy, independent, beautiful little lady. 

                I have to make up for lost time… and if it would take me 20 years to make her emotionally independent, so be it.  

So now every time she asks me to do something with her, I think twice before saying no.  Because today will be gone too soon… and tomorrow may never come.